OMG WE LOVE YOU
(We really do)
We just want to hug you and introduce you to our mamma in Italy.
Our mamma always told us "think before you open your mouth'
Obviously these people did not get mamma's memo!
(Any reference to any person or episode is not accidental, we just don't know their names or we would definitely tell you)
THE VILLAGE IDIOT
TOP 10 STUPID QUESTIONS
(actually 11 because you are
OF THE MONTH
Reading our specials on the board:
Q. Wow! you have spaghetti with octopus, I love octopus! How is it?
A) All our seafood is fresh and tasty.
Q) Seafood? I don't like seafood.
A) As far as we know the octopus live in the sea.
Q) Maybe it's another type of octopus I'm thinking of.
A) Sure, you may mistaking it with the famous land octopus which lives on the rocky mountains, or the extremely rare flying octopus, but unfortunately that is a protected species and there are only a few left.
Q) Not sure, but you only have the seafood kind?
A) Yes, today yes.
Q) Too bad.
Again reading our specials on the board. Now it's the turn of the ' roasted rabbit'
Q) What's up with the rabbit thing?!
What is it? Is it a pizza? Can I have it vegetarian?
A) (After the flying octopus episode we felt that the situation was probably far too serious to make fun of, so we did not comment)
But lets move on to the third question, again reading the specials board, now it's the turn of the ravioli and lasagna:
Q) I don't get it, but those lobster ravioli and the lasagna are on top of the pizza?
A) What do you mean?
Q) Are those a special pizza?
A) No, those are pasta and main course seafood or meat.
Q) Oh I thought this was a pizzeria and those were all the special pizza toppings! This is a strange place.
A) You think!?
Q) How wild is the wild rabbit?
A) Let me just tell you this, we caught him few times doing drugs and getting drunk in the kitchen and also listening to heavy metal music. We warned him few times but ultimately we had to put him down.
Q) Ok, I'll take that.
She calls to place an order by phone and we ask for her credit card numbers so we can charge it
Q) Sure here is the number 4276 #### #### ###
Q) ## ##
A) And now the last 3 digit security code in the back of the card please
Q) Oh no no no! That is too much information you are asking!
A) If I have to charge your card I need the three numbers in the back.
Q) Oh no no no no I gave you the number and the expiration and that's it! You ask too much information, I won't give you those numbers. Ok, I will come and pay at the store with my card in person.
A) Just so you know, we can still see your 3 digit security code on the back of your card when you pay in person.
Q) Then I'll go somewhere else where they won't look at those numbers!
Q) Is your pizza big enough for 3 people?
A) Sure! Our large pizza is.
Q) Oh no. I need a small pizza, enough for 3 people. Can you make a small pizza bigger?
A) Oh yes absolutely, it is call large pizza.
Q) No I don't need a large pizza, what I need is a small pizza large enough to feed 3 people.
A) What about a tiny slice of pizza big enough for the whole family, how does that sound?
Q) Can you do that?
A) I can do whatever I want, one time I made one single ravioli big enough for 8 guests, and I still remember the time when we did a catering with one small meatball enough for 30 people and we charged only $2.99. Now if you can rent a truck we can do a 12 foot personal small pizza for all your friends and family.
Q) I'm confused now.
A) No you were already confused 2 minutes ago.
Q) I guess you can't make what I want.
Q) I'm reading your menu online and I'd like to order a pizza.
A) Sure no problem.
Q) What is this arugula thing on the topping?
A) Arugula is an herb also called rocket, mostly used on salad, but now very popular on pizzas.
Q) Is it any good? It sounds weird.
A) Of course not, we really don't want to put anything decent on the pizza, it would be totally wrong.
Q) Oh and one more thing last time I ordered a pizza from you the olives you used had the pit in which is very dangerous. Do you know that is very dangerous?
A) We are aware of the extreme danger our olives can bring and aware also of how weird the arugula is. Now can you tell us what we can do for you?
Q) Yes I'll take the pizza with arugula and olives
Looking at our specials:
Q) Mmmmh, homemade pasta with crab, smoked salmon, garlic, brandy sauce?
How is it, can I taste it first?
A) Not really, we prepare that from scratch. It takes about 20 minutes to prepare that dish.
Q) But I need to taste the sauce before I decide if I like it.
A) Let's see if I understand correctly, you want me to go in the kitchen and prepare a taste of this pasta that takes 20 minutes so maybe you are going to like it, and then I go back in the kitchen and spend another 20 minutes preparing the dish?
A) That is absolutely adorable, and since I'm going to the kitchen to work on tastes is there anything else you want to try first?
Q) Yes maybe that lasagna.
A) Sure why not?! Anything else?
Q) You aren't going to do it are you?
A) Not really.
Q) I had the feeling.
Q) I came here one time four years ago and I had something delicious, some sort of pasta.
Do you remember what it was?
A) Of course I do!
Q) Wow you guys are good! I can't believe you remember.
A) How can we forget, we keep track of everything. We have a file where we keep track of everything you eat here and we share it with other restaurants so they know what your favorites dishes are.
Q) I've never heard of it, but it sounds great.
A) I know.
Q) I think you don't know what I ordered five years ago, do you?
A) I swear, I remembered until a few months ago but now I have just a moment of amnesia.
Q) Ok, Ok I'll take a look at the menu.
A) Sounds good.
Walking in at lunch time, we've never seen him before in our entire life.
Q) I forgot my wallet at home, can I order a couple of pizzas and I'll stop by tomorrow to pay you.
A) Why tomorrow? Take your time, there is no hurry, next week or even next month would be ok.
Q) Hey don't be a smart ass with me or I'll go somewhere else.
A) Oh no please don't go, we really don't want to lose you.
Q) F%#@ you, you don't know how to do business.
Ok just one more we love this one!
Phone call at pick time during Saturday dinner:
Q) I'm looking at your menu online right now, can you read it to me?
A) I'm afraid I can't find my glasses.
Q) Is there anyone else that can read it to me?
A) We all use the same glasses here, we'll call you back as soon as we find them.
Q) Ok sounds good, do you need my number?
A) Oh no, we'll look in the yellow pages, don't worry.
Q) Ok sounds good.